Thursday, November 27, 2008

Playstation Home Beta

Apologies for the poor English.

I got an invite to the Home beta yesterday so I thought I'd give it a go. Downloaded 77Mb and installed it, so far so good. Started the s/w, created my avatar and found myself in a swanky apartment, empty except for some chairs and tables. Followed the brief tutorial - as best as I could when you can't easily read the text. Sit on the chair, the tutorial said. Nay said I - I want to move it! Selected "move" from the menu and, nothing. Press a few buttons. Press a few more. Press all the damn buttons on the controller including that funny round one in the middle and... nada! Ok time to hit the big power button. Oops. But i could still see a light flashing on the side of the PS3 - the hard disk?? Not sure.

Anyway, restart, get back into the apartment. Head for the door and try to exit to the plaza. "You need to download 35Mb". Huh?? Oh well, ok. Download, still downloading, still downloading. Ok! Downloaded! Try to exit to the plaza, 10s later, wahey! Why is it full of near-transparent people? Ah, I guess it's downloading their avatars. Ok, wander around. Ah - the movie theatre, let's take a look. "You must download 27Mb". Oh. Bugger. Ok. Download... etc. 10s load time, and...

Into the movie theatre, sit down, video starts. Oh it's some kind of developer chat on SOCOM. I can't hear it for all the crap that other people are saying into their mikes. Ok, back to the plaza. 10s load time.

Ok, we're here! Hey a bowling alley! Ok, let's go. "You must download 35Mb". Aw crap. Ok, downloading.... downloaded. 10s loading time. Ok, let's take a look. Walk over to a lane, press "X", no options. How the heck do I play? DOn't know. Walk to pool table. Hit "X", nothing. How do I play? How do I talk in this thing? Hit triangle button, oh yeah, have to type using their fake qwerty onscreen keyboard. Yeuch. Ok - type "how do I play pool?". No reply. Oh well. Let's wander to the arcade machine room. Oh - they're all being used. Ok back to the plaza.

10s load time. In the plaza, what's that little raised platform? Climb a few stairs, investigate. No idea, boring. I'll step off the 6" platform. Nothing. Huh? He can't jump down a tiny platform? Sheesh. Ok, back to the steps. Investigate - found a couple of video screens in the plaza, stand near, watch and listen to the videos, they're all promos for far cry 2. Oh. Not interested. Wander around a bit - hey I found a little area playing music. Do stupid dances for a couple of minutes, watch others doing stupid dances. Boring. Wander around a bit. Is that it? Well this sucks. Oh wait, there's the mall.

Walk towards mall entrance. "You must download 35Mb". Wow what a surprise. Ok, got it. 10s loading time. Yawn. Inside the mall. Well this is, um, interesting. Ok, there's a store entrance. Wander to the door, a window pops up, "there are no items in this store". Ok. Next store. "There are no items in this store". Ooook. Oh look stairs. Climb the stairs - yay, more stores. "There are no.." ok, I get it.

Click start, return to apartment. Playstation button. Quit Home. Turn off System. What a let down. I'm going to bed.

Really, Home is like, like, a tiny, poor man's Second Life, where you can't do anything. I don't get it. They expect me to fill my hard disk with locations where I can talk to people, watch videos, listen to crappy music, watch other bowl and basically run around and do nothing? Fat chance. Where's the delete button?? Can I reclaim that 3Gb of disk space Home had to reserve? Please?

... tumbleweed ...